Delirium
by Sasukano
Summary: The Demons in my head won't let up. They've finally won. It's OK though. We were born to die anyway. OneShot. Sexual Content. Drug Use.


**Just something quick to get my mind off some things. Mature Audiences only please.****  
****Also, I have NOT forgotten about my other story.**

I was told that when you love someone you never let them go.

I love him.

He's mine.

Forever and ever.

So when I see him dangling in the arms of another. Someone that should be _me._

You can understand my pain, right?

But I've got a plan to get him back. I've waited patiently enough for his return. Five months, three days, fourteen hours, twenty-three minutes and sixteen seconds to be exact. Time isn't really an issue. It's more of the fact that quite frankly my heart can't take it. It feels hollow and empty reminding me of what loneliness is. I tried everything to mend it. Booze. Painting. Men. Women. Nothing works! Everything reminds me of Ichigo. I look at everyone else and the first thing I realize is that it's not him. Even now lying in my bed, erection in hand. I stroke vigorously thinking of him. Every damn day. Every time I go to bed this is what I do. I'm not ashamed because after all I'm in love.

That's what I tell myself when I come into my hand in a desperate gasp.

/xxx/

I follow him while he performs his daily task. Always the same. After waking up, he would take a quick shower throwing on his uniform. Then he'd eat two eggs with a side of ketchup, a bagel and down it all with apple juice. He's not fond of orange juice. Going to work he takes a shortcut through an alley, working usually from nine am to nine pm. Today he doesn't work though which is strange because he's somewhat of a workaholic. It's a bit weird seeing him breaking routine.

What kills me is that he's seeing that guy again. He looks happy as he laughs and smiles at whatever joke this prick says. Is he really though?

Happy.

Only I can make him truly happy.

I've had enough of watching Ichigo today. I head to my apartment. It's cluttered and messy with paint. I was an artist before he left me. Now every time I paint, the only color I see is red and there's never an end. I take out my bag stashed in my coat and empty the contents onto the mirror. I take my straw and sniff feeling the nice burn that warms my insides.

I throw my head back, eyes closed. Bliss.

I turn on the shower to the coldest setting and just stand there. I punish myself for not being good enough for him. I notice I still had my clothes on and curse for my stupidity. After showering, I throw on whatever is dry and go to bed. I grab the picture on the picture is of Ichigo sleeping in bed with a smile on his face. His frown he wears gone and he looks so much younger. My hands travel to grab my dick and start stroking.

_"Harder, Grimmjow. Harder!" Ichigo cries out, his face down on the pillow. Tears of pleasure run down his face._

_I'm never one to disappoint and wasn't about to start then. I thrust more forcefully, my dick disappearing in and out of that tight puckered hole in record time. We're both covered in sweat from hours of love making. I grab his hair yanking backwards and he whimpers. I lean over, still pounding into him and feel my climax approaching. I put a hand on his legs lifting it high in the air over my shoulder gaining me more access. I Grip hard and extend my other hand around his cock stroking in time with my fast and hard thrust. Liquid is dripping from his ass to my dick falling onto the bed. He moans wantonly and I feel his dick convulse in my hand. He's close._

_I bite down on his neck receiving a sharp cry. "Grimmjow!" He comes all over my hand and I come in his ass, dick seated all the way in globes of flesh._

I come twice that night.

/xxx/

The clock seconds tick by endlessly. I count in my head. One. Two. Three. "Almost time." I mutter.

_Kill him._ The voice said to me. I block him out like I always do.

One. Two. Thre-

_He doesn't love you anymore._

"Shut up.."I whimper.

_You're heart made you do it._

I take another sniff of magical powder. The voices stop and I exhale a breathe I didn't know I was holding. Now I'm naked and numb staring at the clock once again. It finally read: 9 PM.

I get dressed in a hurry giddy with excitement. I accidentally knocked down my lighter on the gasoline covered wooden table.

Doesn't matter though. Today I get Ichigo back.

The cold winter air did not faze me at all as I leaned against the brick wall waiting for him. I inhaled a nice big huff of smoke from my last cigarette, the nicotine pumping through my cocaine heart. I glanced at all the other people who were most likely in love still. How long did it take for them to find that special one if they found them at all? What would they do to keep that person in your life? I inhale another big huff.

"Grimmjow?"

Exhale. I look and see Ichigo, my lover. I smile. "Hey, Strawberry."

He seems a bit surprised at the nickname. " Hey.. How are you? You seem different. Are you alright?" He strolled up to me and I stomped out my cigarette.

_You ripped out my heart you fuck._

"Really?" I feign innocence, slightly wincing at the voice. "I'm fine." my heart is hammering a thousand beats per minute. he hasn't been this close to me in so long.

"Right, well. It was great seeing you." He turns to walk away just like that. Turning his back on me. On Us. On everything.

Wait.

I grab his wrist. "Ichigo."

He stops. Tilts his beautiful orange head.

"I love you."

He doesn't say a thing. It feels like another eternity passing by. I didn't expect him to.

I don't know why I pressed the knife into his gut.

I don't know why I stabbed him five times in the chest. Maybe it had something to do with the month May.

I don't know why I stabbed him another twenty times. Perhaps it was because of the day.

I certainly don't know why I have a gun pressed to the side of my forehead either.

Maybe I love too much.


End file.
